In "Helpless," Dr Elizabeth Olivet says while under cross examination that she has a "personal relationship" with Detective Mike Logan. The authors found themselves wondering exactly what that meant, and what it would take to get the two back together again.


Once and Again
By Maisie and Ro

It was almost midnight when Mike rubbed his eyes. He felt as if he hadn't slept in a week, which was just about right. Five days and there were still only empty leads to where she could be or why Hines had taken her. The bastard was always one step ahead of them. He gulped down another cup of coffee, but it didn't do anything to wipe out the splitting headache or the empty sense of loss.
Phil walked into the room with some papers. "They've traced Hines's car to a place near Poughkeepsie."
Mike leaped up. "Let's go," he said tightly.
"It's not our jurisdiction, Mike. Cragen's calling them right now. We'll be backup."
"Fuck jurisdiction." He glared at his partner. "Are you coming or not?"
In the car, he saw Phil look at him.
"What?" he said testily.
"You're way off limits here, Mike. Even if you don't lose your pension, Cragen is going to have a Hell of job cleaning the mess if you screw up. People have been talking about you going half-cocked over Olivet's kidnapping."
The car screeched as Mike cut the steering to miss an oncoming car. "You don't know -- I owe her," he said brusquely.
"You won't help by getting yourself killed...or worse, getting her killed."
"I'm not going to let anything happen to Liz," said Mike gritting his teeth.
He had found himself attracted to Dr. Elizabeth Olivet when Cragen had forced him to get counseling after Max was killed, but she had made it clear that it was business not pleasure. It had become his challenge to make Dr. Ice In Her Veins melt for him. He had finally succeeded one night.

After dinner, when he sat too close to her on the couch to pour some more wine in her glass, she did not become rigid or push him off.
"I don't want to do this, Mike."
"Why not?"
"Because it will complicate things. I don't want complications."
He kissed her eyelids. "No, Liz this is not a complication, this is a pleasure I've been waiting for far longer than you can imagine." He caught the pins from her tidy hairdo and pulled down her hair.
"Don't say things you don't mean."
"I'm not. This is real."
"Please don't mess with me, Mike."
"Kiss me, Liz."
She felt his legs tangling with her, then his heavy weight closed on her. The feeling of his weight on her freed something in her, destroying the last vestige of control. This is what she had been wanting from him all along, she accepted vaguely. Mindlessly her fingers raced over his chest, tangling in the hair while her body arched towards the hard lines of his. She leaned closer touching his nipple with the tip of her tongue while fumbling with his buckle.
"Witch!" he groaned raggedly as his lips moved to find the pulse beating at the base of her neck before moving lower to echo her previous action. A moan escaped her as his tongue laved her nipple into a sharp pebble before he tugged it deep into his moist hot mouth. Feverishly her hands slid across the smooth muscles of his shoulders as she felt him thrust inside her. When the final moment of release came, it was deeper, richer, better than anything she had ever expected from Mike.
"Yes!" he cried with an odd note of triumph in his voice.
Twice they awoke during the night to come together with passion. In the morning when she awoke, she lay on her side watching his deep slow breaths. She noticed stubble on his cheeks and realized that this was the first time she had seen Mike in need of a shave. That more than anything made her feel mushy inside.
"You're awake before I am," she heard him say and turned to see his lazy smile. "This is a first."
Talk about rude awakenings! All of a sudden the tenderness that she had been feeling for him evaporated as she recalled his long list of conquests and all the reasons why she has disliked him.
Liz got out of bed, picking up each item of clothing that was scattered over the floor. He rose up on one elbow. "What's the matter?"
"I have to go to work."
"It's Saturday."
She ignored him.
He sat up. "You just realized you actually enjoyed mixing your professional and personal life. And you just can't take that, can you?"
Reality dawned on Liz. "That was all it was to you, wasn't it? No woman says no to the great Mike Logan, is that it? But you're wrong. I may have slipped last night but never again."
"What's the matter, Doc? You going to pretend it never happened? That you never sullied your dainty hands by running them over my body?"
Liz turned to him and said fiercely, "You bastard."
She picked up her coat. At the door she turned and looked at him still sprawled on the bed. "You want to know what is really laughable, Detective? Over dinner I honestly thought that we could be friends."

Phil's voice brought him into the present. "Go slow. This is where the place must be."
Mike looked around the narrow lane at the edge of the hill. There were woods as far as he could see in the dark. He didn't even know if there was a place hidden anywhere behind the trees.
There was no sign of any cop cars either. So much for Cragen's phone call!
"I'll go up for a rekkie, you wait for the back up" said Mike.
Phil was reluctant. "You don't know what Hines wants. There wasn't a ransom note and we wouldn't have known Liz had been kidnapped if he hadn't taken her from her office. I think we should wait till the team gets here Mike."
"That may take too long. It's already been five days. Liz may not have much more time." Mike curbed his anxiety. "Take the car and hide it in that grove. I'll meet you at dawn. If I'm not back, you bring the unit up."
"I don't like it Mike," said Phil, but Mike was already gone.

Mike checked the darkened shack, gun out. The only light was coming from a lantern on the dirt floor. Liz was blindfolded, gagged and tied to a wooden chair in the center of the room. Her head was drooping forward with her shoulders sagging and for a second he thought she was dead. He hurt inside like when he had lost Max.
Then he heard a moan. The sound was like manna from heaven to him. Quickly holstering his weapon, he slithered over the sill. He closed his hand over her gagged mouth. She fought him, and he gripped her arm. "Shush or we're both dead. Understand?" She nodded, but the tension didn't leave her body. "Liz, it's Mike." he whispered close to her ear. Letting her go, he cut her ropes and pulled her from the chair to the floor. "You okay?"
"Yes, but the service here is awful," she rejoined tiredly. "Remind me to try the Sheraton next time."
Mike couldn't help smiling. She may be a tightass, but she had guts.

As she followed him across the dirt floor to the window, barely able to see him in the dark, Liz could have sworn his lips had actually smiled back then. No, not Mike Logan. He didn't smile for her anymore.
Mike glided over the edge, pulling her after him. She bit her tongue to keep from groaning as the bruises on her body flayed her. She didn't want to alert Craig Hines, a patient who had turned on her after she had recommended institutionalization. He'd taken sadistic pleasure in slapping her around and the thought of being back in his hands made her sick to the stomach. Once outside, she shoved her hair out of her face, trying to straighten her knees so she wouldn't collapse. She peered at Mike. Didn't he look as if he hadn't slept in a while too? No, not Mike Logan. She was just a police case to him.
She was proven right because he asked "How many men?"
"One. His name's Craig Hines and he's a patient of mine. He's gone somewhere but he should be back." She paused to stop from being dizzy. "We have to be careful...he has a knife and he's a psychopath. It may push him over the edge to see me gone."
Even as they spoke, they heard a sound in the woods.
"Now what?" she whispered.
"We run." Mike grabbed her hand, and yanked her behind him without mercy.
When they paused for a moment to check if anyone was following, she bent and took deep puffs of breath. "I see your caveman approach hasn't changed."
Her words set off an answering anger in him. "I don't remember that stopping you from enjoying it, eh, Doc?"
She said haughtily, "I'm done slumming. My taste in men has improved."
"Come on, let's move." he muttered and caught her hand and pulled her again.
She resisted. "Can't we just wait till Phil brings the backup?"
"Oh yeah, and what do we do about your friend back there? He isn't going to enjoy having his play toy taken away. He'll want it back."
That's all she was to him. She said bitterly, "Wow, it's nice to feel so... wanted."

Mike heard the hurt in her words. Why was he acting like a jerk...deliberately mean and cruel? So things hadn't worked out between them, so big deal. "Liz..."
She cut him off before he could say more. "Forget it, Logan. Let's go."
Mike stayed looking at her rigid back for an age, and then followed her. "I didn't mean it like that."
"Look, I don't really care what you meant. What I need is something to eat. Do you have anything of use in your pocket?"
He stared hard at her, then put his hand inside his brown leather jacket and pulled out a chocolate bar. She tore open the wrapper. Mike watched her greedily devour the chocolate and guilt hit him. "Good God, Liz, didn't he feed you?"
She shrugged as she avidly licked her fingers, sending shivers of memories down his spine as he remembered the night her mouth had caressed his body just as hungrily.
"Where exactly are we going?" she asked with her mouth full of chocolate that he suddenly had a burning desire to taste.
"Exactly?" He pretended to consult the stars. "Seventeen degrees south-east."
He set off at a fast pace again without waiting for her as if turning his back on her would somehow take him away from the memories of their night together and the desire that was coursing through him.

Liz heard his sarcastic answer with regret. Here they were in the dark, danger surrounding them, yet they couldn't let go off the past. She has spent the last five days taking refuge in memories of the blissful moments she had spent in this man's arms. It was seven months since they'd slept together but she had recalled every detail of the way he had nibbled her, kissed her, and suckled her as if it had been yesterday. But she had imagined a different ending to the scenario -- one in which he had held her tenderly and promised to love and cherish her.
Suddenly he was in front of her with his hands gripping her shoulder as if there was nothing more he would like to do than shake her. "Stay with me, dammit. Where the hell were you?"
She blinked back her tears. "Off for a run around Central Park, where else?"
Mike scowled "Look, I'm trying to help. That crazy fan of yours could find us any time and I'm in no mood to meet him."
"What? And miss the chance of telling him that no one gets away with taking on the great Mike Logan?" She shrugged off his touch.
"God, didn't anyone teach you to say 'Thank you'?"
"Forgive me, but my book of etiquette got left behind when I was kidnapped at gunpoint."
Mike considered what she'd been through in the past couple of days as he stared once again at her receding back and cursed himself for being such a jerk. He glanced behind himself to see if there were any signs that the kidnapper had missed Liz, and then looked ahead as Liz slashed through the heavy foliage. When he saw her stumble, he knew she was on the verge of breakdown. He had seen the tears in the moonlight even though she had tried to hide them.
When he reached her, he caught her hand...and felt something warm and sticky. He stopped so suddenly that she stumbled against him. Holding her against his chest with one arm, he lifted her hand with the other and saw bleeding rope burns. "Dammit, Liz, why didn't you say something about this?"
"I didn't think you'd care," she mumbled dully against his chest, and the total loss of fight in her voice gave him a hint of how far gone she was. The Liz he knew was a fighter till the very end. From what he could see, the blood had congealed into a sticky mass. He cursed under his breath. There was nothing to clean the wounds with.
He bent suddenly and licked the inside of her wrist. She whimpered and tried to pull away, but he held her tight, blowing gently on the wounds. "Here, let me use my tie."

Liz stared at the dark head bent over her as he took great care to wrap her hands and it seemed to her that her sluggish mind couldn't understand what had happened all of a sudden.
"What did he do to you, Liz?" he asked softly, out of the blue.
His voice was so unquestionably tender that it made her heart race. Was she hallucinating again like she had before? "What does it matter?" she asked tiredly.
"It matters to me."
She thought he sounded almost frightened, which was a laugh. "He hit me and he kicked me and he wouldn't let me sleep." Her head drooped. How much longer before she could sleep?
"Did he...did he do anything else?"
She knew what he was asking, but couldn't figure out why he would care. She remembered the anger and humiliation she had felt the day after they had made love. She raised her head high. "What is it with you, Logan? Is this how you get your jollies? No, he didn't rape me if that's what you want to know."
She thought she saw admiration in his smile. "You never give in, do you?" he said softly. "Down, but never out." His hand came up to stroke back her hair and slowly cup her cheek. Liz felt her breathing come to a halt and had to make a real effort to move away.
She said, taking a swallow, "I thought we had to keep moving." She took a step in the direction they'd been heading, but had to stop when his fingers caught her elbow. "Now what?" she asked without looking at him.
He said slowly. "You've changed, Doc. Not just your taste in men. You've changed."
She was glad he didn't suspect that she was still the same woman who had foolishly let him make love to her. She marshaled up all her strength so he would never know... "How enlightening, Logan but frankly, I don't care what you think."
She felt him looking at her even though she avoided his gaze. He said after a while. "That's what I meant, doc. Once you used to care." He dropped her hand. "Come on let's go, we're almost there."
Liz frowned as she walked behind him. Had he sounded regretful?
Because they were walking in silence, the cracking of a twig sounded like a thunderclap in the darkness. Both stopped suddenly and Liz felt fear grip her. Before she could say anything, Mike was next to her. "Here, take this." He pressed his gun into her hands. "I'm going to see what made that noise."
Liz held the gun gingerly, wondering if she could actually shoot another human being. She had become a psychiatrist to save lives, not take them. She tried to hear something and shuddered as her mind agonized with images of Mike lying dying out there. She went rigid when she heard a rustling in the bushes, but couldn't see anything. The noise grew louder, and she remembered Hines and she remembered his blows and she bit her lip to keep from crying out. She raised the gun to take aim but knew that she couldn't fire it. She jumped to her feet and began to run.

Mike saw Liz take off and realized that she hadn't known that it was him. He chased after her, seizing her around the waist and lifting her off her feet as he wrenched the gun from her grasp. She clawed his arm and kicked her feet against his shins.
"Stop, Liz! It's me!"
He put his arms around her as she collapsed against his chest, breathing hard. "Damn you, I thought he'd killed you." She punched his shoulder as fear became fury. She sobbed, "Don't ever leave me again."
He grabbed her to stop her from hitting him more and bent his mouth to hers, wanting to absorb her fear into himself. That she had been afraid for him meant she hadn't changed. She still cared. She was beautiful and brainy and a way better human being than he was, but he was tired of finding reasons for staying away. His tongue slid over her lips, prying them apart and his heart cheered when she yielded in his arms. One of his hands slipped down to spread over her hips and he cupped her against him. The kiss went on and on as their mouths found ways to lengthen it, tongues greedily tasting one another like a hungry man at a feast. He felt her writhe against him, and the guttural sound of his reaction was loud enough to bring him down to earth. He drew back and pulled the front of his body out of contact with hers, and waited for her to open her eyes.
Her voice held a defenselessness he'd never heard before. "Why...why did you kiss me like that?"
He let out a sigh and pressed his forehead to hers. "Seven months is a long time, Doc ... I needed that kiss as much as you did."
He grinned at the shock in her eyes at his words and gave her a gentle push. "Come on, we have to keep moving."

She staggered after him as if moving in a daze. Had he really said that or was it the imaginations of her exhausted brain?
She saw him stop at the edge of the clearing, and look cautiously around. "Phil's not here but I think we're safe for the moment." He moved back a pace or two till he found an uprooted log from where they could see the clearing without being seen. She followed him like a child. The bleeding had stopped, but her writs still hurt and so did her head and back and legs and every other muscle in her body. She sat down gratefully on the log. She could hardly wait to be in her warm, soft bed.
She didn't know when she swayed toward him or when he slid down to the ground and pulled her into his arms. A sudden noise yanked her awake. She felt the solid warmth of a man against her. "It's okay, it's me," he whispered, stroking her hair back from her forehead.
Liz was still drowsy when she felt his lips capture hers. Liz forgot her bruised lip, forgot the nightmare of the previous days and forgot the hurt he had wreaked before. She greedily tangled with his tongue, and heard him groan in response. His lips caressed her just below the jaw, his warm breath sending a weakness through her entire body that had nothing to do with lack of food or sleep. His tantalizing touch pulled her even more tightly against him, and she remembered another time when she had been close enough to him to feel every muscle of his body. Humiliation fuelled her strength. She pushed him and said fiercely, "I don't want you to touch me."
Mike relaxed his hold and leaned back. "That's not what it felt like a few minutes ago."
Her face flamed as she rubbed her eyes. "People can't be held responsible for what happens in their sleep. It's their subconscious at work."
"I thought it was your job to listen to what the subconscious has to say."
The fight went out of her. Who was she kidding? He would know from the way she had kissed him back how much she wanted him. "Why are you doing this, Mike," she asked piteously. "What do you want from me?"
There was silence as the question vibrated between them. "Everything," he said at last. "I want everything."
Before either could say anything further, a car rolled into the clearing with the headlights out and engine muffled. Mike recognized with relief that it was Phil. Holding Liz against him Mike led her to the car.
"They got Craig Hines at the local drugstore half hour ago," reported Phil. "The uniforms have gone up to check if there's anyone else up there in his shack."
Liz heard Mike say, "He was in it on his own." But she was too out of it to care what happened next. She was in Mike's arms and that was all that mattered.
Phil said into the walkie-talkie, "We've got her. Send the paramedics up here."
Liz felt the firmness of the gurney beneath her body. It was wonderful to stretch out after five days of being tied in a chair and then running through the woods. While drifting off to sleep she wondered if she had been having a bad nightmare....or was it a fabulous dream in which Mike had looked at her with tenderness and yearning.
Her eyes flew open. "Mike?" she whispered hoarsely.
"Yeah, baby, I'm here." He squeezed her hand.
"Did you...did you say "everything"?"
Mike looked at the worn out woman lying on the gurney with her face scratched with bruises and yet she was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. "Everything," he repeated firmly.
"Okay," she promised with a glimmer of a smile before slipping into long awaited oblivion.

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